"The valley of death we ARE free...Your fathers your prison you see!!! "

i just wrote this at skool today...whatcha think?


My thoughts of You!...
As i lay here in the darkness
my skin pressed against yours,
I can feel that you love me
and theres nothing i need more.

I've made mistakes in my past
thats true...
but nothing else matters
since i found you

if i could turn back time
and undo all my regrets,
if only there was something,
to make me completley forget..

But ive learnt from my past
and now i am hear
im loving you insanley
and theres nothing for you to fear!

i wish i could show you
just what im feel
how can i explain to you
that i know this is real?

Everytime i look at you
i almost cant believe
that i could be so lucky
and that this isnt just a dream.

your absolutley beautiful
in everything you do,
and i feel like a goddess
when im alone with you.

when you touch my body
and softly kiss my lips
i feel a passion so intense
not one moment i want to miss


how can i show you
that your everything to me?
how can i be
everything that you need?

baby just know
your ALL that i see
your everything ive ever imagined
and your everything i need!





kinda chezzy eh? haha

so it seems that i have an issue...i meet someone and it's going great, although i always find myself looking for something...something wrong...anything. why do i do this, next thing i know i'm breaking up with someone, and for what? because i found a flaw?? thats not right who am i to judge. or maybe i'm just anouyed way to easily?? whatevr im doing i need to stop, one day ill wake up and realize that all those flaws i found in people were realy just my own. does that make sense? I'm kinda confused latley and i havent written much cause i read all my past entries, and they just seemed kinda lame to me i guess. like..who really cares whats going on inside my head anyways? its not like anyone knows me, or understands my thoughts.well maybe someone does, but what good does that do anyways?
its X-mas in 7 days so i keep fucking hearing ...on the radio....on the fucking T.V.
i'm not excited really, people turn into idiots, mindless drivers in a ruch to get to the stores. is it my fault your fucking bitchy cause you emptied you pocket book to buy everyone you know a gift? and why? because the media convinced you its the right thing to do!! if x.mas is really your thing then you would know what it's really about. its so exploited just like every other fucking holiday now. aww your in debt, you feel bad for not spending as much money as your loved one did on you? shut the hell up! turn off your tv....
wake up people...
getting outta bed on x.mas morning and sipping coffee and baileys with my family is good enough for me, keep the crap.


TIS THE SEASON.....NOW LETS GET FUCKING DRUUNK!!!!!!

PEACE

"Unwell-Matchbox 20"

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be


I know these lyrics dont really reflect the type of music i listen to, but i just love them..... they mean alot to me.

wel hello people, ya i havent written in awhile, not to much to say again...as for my last entry...well lets just say for the first time im ble to say" FUCK THAT SHIT!" When it comes to that that is.and mean it. I'm actually pretty happy with my shit right now, cant really complain, other then i can not wait to be done skool...2 more months!! yay!! my skool is a fucking joke!
im fuckin sick right now so thats new i guess, and pretty shitty imust say. i hate bein sick, although it is nice having no choice but to slow down for awhile ive been wanting to write some more poetry, but for some reason i cant. i think its because im some what happy, my writing often is the best when i hate everything about everything. but maybe ill give er a shot here soon, never know what thoughts are just brewin upstairs, i could surprise myself..haha.....anywho, i got a man...ya another one..hes fucking awesome tho, its going great he alot like me, which is surprising, and...he has a mohawk, i realize ive bitched about the hawk in the past, but i think he wears it with sincerity..hahhaanyways. im just blabbing .kinda felt like typing
more later
peace
JmE

heyhey.... so i'm off to edmonton this weekend, should be interesting, i just recently started talkin to an "old friend" again, who happens to live there, someone who has inspired many of my writing here i guess you could say. i know ill prolly end up being played for a fucking idiot, but for some reason i feel i have to give it a shot and meet up with him. stupid of me? i dont really know, all i know is this time, not much can surprise me anymore.and if thats the case i know that i will not affect me the way it has in the past..im happy to say i feel im finnally over it..this past month and a half has been the most crazy times in awhile. and im very corious as to what will come of this trip....now that i think about it ...it was a year ago this month that i was in edmonton for the exact same reason, and ended up gettin fucking burned..2nd chance maybe to finnaly make things right and push aside all past grudges?? i guess we'll see
funny how things work out....or don't for that matter....
kinda confused..but yet i feel amazing for the 1st time in awhile,
later..peace
jme

i dressed up twice.....i love halloween

out there..

 

Misconceptions fool me, tease me, torment me...

bittersweet memories are  all i have to hold on to.

I'm dying to explain how i feel,

Yet i'm realizing..i can't feel.

And therefore that is my problem.

What i would give for one moment of passion,

Just one glance exchanged between myself and someone...

Someone i could connect with , somewhere out there.

Someone see's how i feel

and is longing for the same emotion,

I no longer have sympathy for humanity,

only rage.

out there somewhere, someone feels the same.

                            YES.....i AM fUcK ING crazy!!!

 

 

Yes im crazy okay, ill be the 1st to admitt it, why must you presist to keep informing me of this??

But let me tell you something...i wasnt born like this..this isnt my own doing..OH NO! It took years of ignorant assholes, and stunned little bitches to make me this way. Fucking mind games. confusing bullshit.Hearing one thing, and seeing another.Back-stabbing friends.Cheating peices of shit boyfriends.Fake people.Beautiful people!

Learning that the world is in fact a decaying desease, rather than a Beautiful place.That people are dissconected pricks.mindless propaganda.lies..lies...FucKing LIES.

To hear that I'm beautiful, when i look in the mirror and despise my reflection.

Not being able to cry anymore.

I'm crazy for always wanting what i can't have, or having everything i've ever wanted, and walk away from it.

Listening to your thoughts...listening to your deceat.

Not believing the truth when it's told,This passion makes me crazy.these insane thoughts make me crazy.

The pressure to live a "normal" life, Fuck normal......i find beauty in darkness..So much expected from me.

I'm crazy for wanting you this way,i'm crazy for caring what you think..

I'm crazy because i hate myself,

i'm crazy for not trying, trying to hard makes me insane!

So ...yeah I'm fucking crazy..

And to tell you the truth..I wouldnt have it any other fucking way!!

go fuck yourself!

 

well hello, im just sittin at home(4 lunch) , kinda bored, ive been thinking alot about all these little things are adding up, unexpected events are falling into place, and i wunder to myself, "is this a test?"  ive been here before, although it was another time and place. everything i wanted to happen ...IS..... but just because i want it to, does that mean it's suppose to? is it right for me to be feeling this way again? there are some things i cannot and will not for that matter let go of, why? im not sure. i believe in my heart that if i want something bad enough it just may come to me...it may take forever....but it will happen...? does that seem logical or should i just turn a cold shoulder and not risk being burned again?? but wheres the fun in that right?

just blabbing on....no one has any idea what i'm talkin about anyways.... so i guess this entry is really just for me.

peace